


i will always love you,even if it hurts

by Pjhjigglypuff



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-16 03:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14155983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pjhjigglypuff/pseuds/Pjhjigglypuff
Summary: daniel is jihoon's first. the couple of years that they're together is the happiest for jihoon, but after a couple of years, jihoon didn't know what went wrong.





	1. love begins

**Author's Note:**

> hi. this is my first fic ever. i know i'm not a talented writer but i just like to share this story and basically some of it is based on my experience. i hope a couple of you will read this and constructive criticism, kudos and comments are highly appreciated. thank you in advance.

jihoon's 1st job is a treasury assistant in a financial institution in seoul last 2013. there he met daniel, a tall, handsome, fair skinned and with a good built young man. he works in another department in their other branch in busan. he just went to seoul once a month for a general assembly with their president and CEO. at first, jihoon doesn't notice daniel. he just gained interest when his co-worker minhyun introduced daniel to him. he just bow and shook hands with the handsome man. since then every month that daniel visited their office the first person that daniel greets is jihoon and the younger doesn't know why.

"hi jihoon, would you like to take a break and have snacks at the cafeteria" as daniel approached jihoon.

jihoon thinks that he needs a break somehow before going back to the worksheet that he can't balance for the last hour.

"sure" he said to daniel.

since then, the 2 became close. after a few months, daniel was transferred from their busan branch to their main branch in seoul due to re-alignment of their organization. the 2 can't hide their excitement as they can see each other every day. the 2 become closer as they are always together, during breaks, lunch and after work.

1 friday night, jihoon goes to the rooftop of their office building to have a fresh air. he really needs some break because his eyes are already red and his back aches. as he was sitting in a bench near the wall, he heard footsteps slowly going towards him. it's already past 10 in the evening so he doesn't expect any employees to come to the rooftop at that time and they are only 5 in his dept. that are still in the office. when someone grabs his arms, he almost jumped in his seat in surprise.

"daniel you scared the shit out of me, what are you doing here, i thought you already went home".

daniel chuckles at jihoon's expression as he found him so adorable and cute everytime he surprised the younger.

"yes, i left around 8:00 pm but i forgot that i need to email some file to minhyun that he needs early morning tomorrow that's why i decided to come back. you what are you still doing here, it's already past 10 in the evening" daniel asked jihoon while sitting down.

"i just need to finish this worksheet that needed tom. for the monthly treasury meeting and i'll be going home after that".

daniel and jihoon stays silent for a couple of minutes when daniel move closer to jihoon. the younger froze as he's not used to being this close with the older. yes they're pretty close as co-workers but not physically close. he noticed daniel staring at him and he jokingly punch the older's left shoulder and mistakenly looks straight at daniel's eyes and said

"what are you staring at, are you enjoying the view?"

daniel just smiled softly and slowly moving closer to jihoon and looking at his plump pink lips. jihoon didn't flinch and he also surprised himself that he's not pulling away. seconds after, he feels daniel's lips on his. the kiss is soft and gentle and he surprisingly close his eyes during that few seconds. when he opens his eyes, he sees daniel looking at him passionately. embarrased with flushed cheeks, he turns away. daniel cups his both cheeks and kisses his forehead, nose and lastly his lips.

"do you know how beautiful you are?" daniel asked jihoon.

the younger jokingly answered "yes i know i'm quite beautiful".

daniel chuckles as he gently brushes jihoon's hair. daniel slowly pick up jihoon's hand and intertwined with his. both of them didn't say anything until jihoon told daniel that he already needs to go back to finish his work. daniel accompanies jihoon to the office with their fingers intertwined. he told jihoon that he will wait for him until he finish so they can go home together. the younger just nods shyly and happily went back to his desk. he don't know what just happened between them but he surely likes this kind of feeling. jihoon told to himself.

the next morning, jihoon finds himself looking for daniel. usually, daniel is the one who greets jihoon everytime he arrives at the office. but this time jihoon doesn't seem to find the older. he went to their pantry to get some coffee and water and there he sees daniel talking to somi, the prettiest of all his co-workers, they're giggling too much and they didn't even saw jihoon entered the pantry. when daniel finally notices him, jihoon said good morning to both of them but they only nod to jihoon and they continue to what they are doing, giggling, sometimes daniel touches somi's cheek and the other will just blush shyly. jihoon doesn't even know why daniel ignored him because as long as he remembered they spent the evening last night together happily and touchy, but now it seems like daniel doesn't know him. he knows that he doesn't have the right to be jealous, yes angry, maybe, bec. they've become close already since daniel transferred in their branch. but jihoon just ignored his annoyance and continue to work. 

lunch time arrived and still daniel doesn't give a shit to talk to him or to ask him to eat. they usually eat together since they become close, but now, nothing. jihoon can't take it anymore he needs to talk to daniel and ask him what is his problem. he looks for daniel in the cafeteria but he's nowhere to be seen. he went to the rooftop where they spent the night together (and where jihoon had his first kiss, yes daniel is his 1st and he's a virgin). there he saw daniel standing by the rail looking handsome as ever "ok fuck get a hold of yourself, you need to talk to him".

he approached daniel and slowly taps his shoulder

"hey, ummm..is there a problem? i mean you're ignoring since this morning and i don't know if i've done something wrong, and if there is, i'm sor.."

he wasn't able to finish what he wants to say, and then daniel suddenly grabs his shoulder and slams his lips to his, and confused what just happened, jihoon tried to push daniel but the older didn't even flinch a little but continue to kiss him roughly, not gentle like last night but rough, at first he's hesitant but what the hell, who am i to complain, jihoon thinks. and he slowly kisses back daniel, sucks his lower lip and the older asks for entrance and he easily open up to let daniel roam inside his mouth, and he let out a small moan and he feels all the heat in his body his cheek his lower part and they're not stopping. jihoon suddenly pushed daniel to grab some air. looking flushed and embarrassed he looks on the ground but daniel holds his chin up to meet his gaze.

"i'm not ignoring you jihoon. sorry if you felt that way, i'm just so confused and overwhelmed about my feelings for you now. yes i had girlfriends, only had 2 ex-girlfriends but this is my 1st time to be attracted to..my same gender..i really like you jihoon, a lot"

"i really like you too daniel. i know you're overwhelmed, but we can take it slow, ok. and to be honest..ummm..you're also my first"

daniel's eyes widens and he doesn't expect jihoon to be..ummm..virgin. because damn, he's way beautiful to all his ex-girlfriends and there something in the younger's eyes that keeps him wanting more, it's like a magnet or gravity that pulls you to his world. 

"i have had crushes, guys and girls but only upto that. i also had a lot of admirers but i didn't show interest. and you're the first guy that i'm really attracted to so can we try?"

with this daniel's eyes sparkled and he smiles at jihoon. "yes we can try"

they go back to their desk with swollen lips and bit disheveled hair.


	2. fall apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 time that they went on a date and daniel went to the restroom, he saw the older's cellphone lying on the table. yes he respects daniel's privacy but some voice in his head told him to check, just this once to prove his doubts wrong. he grabs the olders phone hurriedly and unlocks it, thank god that it doesn't have a code. he immediately went to messages and there is an unknown number first in the list of conversation. he opens the thread and his heart stops, crashes and sinks "hi babe, did you had fun last night?

2 yrs. have passed. jihoon is still working as a treasury assistant, while daniel moved to another company for career growth. the first few months that they're not together, everything went smoothly. but after the 6th month, daniel seems to slip away. morning texts are gone, sweet messages are gone. he will only text jihoon if the younger texts him about his day, if he's okay. they will only meet once a month and daniel will always seem to be in a hurry. jihoon ignored all his doubts, that daniel had somebody else. he still texts daniel everyday, calls him everyday and misses him everyday. 1 time that they went on a date and daniel went to the restroom, he saw the older's cellphone lying on the table. yes he respects daniel's privacy but some voice in his head told him to check, just this once to prove his doubts wrong. he grabs the olders phone hurriedly and unlocks it, thank god that it doesn't have a code. he immediately went to messages and there is an unknown number first in the list of conversation. he opens the thread and his heart stops, crashes and sinks

"hi babe, did you had fun last night? bec. i had the best night of my life"

"yes babe, i really had a blast last night, thank you and happy 2nd month anniversary. i love you so much daniel! see you tomorrow at work"

"yes sungwoon, see you tomorrow, i love you more". 

and he exits the messages, lock the phone and put down the phone. his mind is a whirlwind right now and he can't think of anything. daniel returns back from the restroom and he notices jihoon's expression.

"is everything okay baby?"

jihoon wants to punch daniel so badly, he wants to scream, he wants to ask daniel, why? what did i do wrong? am i not enough? am i not beautiful enough? all these thoughts are running inside his head, but instead he takes a deep breath and looks daniel in the eye and said

"yes, i'm okay. just tired maybe".

he doesn't know why he can't confront daniel about the messages he just read, maybe, because maybe, he loves daniel so much and he's not yet ready to hear daniel's feelings or he will not be ready for the time that the older will say, 'i'm sorry, i fell in love with somebody else and i don't love you anymore'. he can't, or he will not be able to accept that reality yet, just not yet. or maybe daniel still loves him and he will still be chosen and sungwoon will be nowhere and everything will be ok, will be the same as before. but he doesn't know if daniel will choose him. and he decided to keep all these thoughts to himself, for now.

daniel and jihoon went home separately.

"jihoon, i'm sorry i forgot something in the office, i won't be able to walk you home, is it okay?"

"yes, no problem, go ahead and see you soon...umm and i love you so much daniel"

jihoon looks at daniel straight in the eye to wait for his reply. daniel looks at jihoon with glistening eyes

"i love you too so much jihoon, you know that right"

and jihoon just nods and turns his back to daniel with tears falling from his eyes. 

jihoon sits silently in the bus, staring outside the window, still crying. thank god that they are only 5 inside the bus so no one really notices him. the usual 30 min bus ride took rather slowly, he thinks. when he got home, he just throw himself in the bed, too drained to wash up and he just bury his face in his pillow. tears are slowly falling again thru his face and he now can't control his emotions, he sobs while holding his chest not knowing why his chest feels so heavy, maybe because he wasn't able to chew his dinner properly while thinking of the text messages he just saw or maybe because he's just too hurt and it's so painful to accept the fact that the first guy that he fell in love with cheated on him. he can't control his imagination. he can't accept that daniel is kissing somebody else, touching somebody else and saying i love you to somebody else. his mind is a mess, his hair, his face..everything is a mess. 'did i do something wrong, am i not good enough, is sungwoon better than me?'he just keeps on asking himself the same question as he drifts to dreamland, tears are still slowly flowing in his cheeks. 

jihoon wakes up earlier than usual. he wakes up before the sound of alarm for the first time. he felt heavy. eyelids heavy,red and swollen maybe for crying the whole night, he thought. his body doesn't want to wake up but his mind's telling him to get your ass out of the bed or else you're going to be late. jihoon's a model employee, since his first day in his job he was only absent once and that was when he and daniel spent their first night together in his apartment and neither of them doesn't have the will to wake up and get out of bed the next morning so they both decided to file a leave that day and cuddle more in bed. he smiles while the memories of him and daniel cuddling the entire day. how daniel spoons him, kisses the top of his head, whispering sweet nothings and saying i love you a dozen of times. yes they're really happy, he loves daniel and daniel loves him. and then the memory of last night's event went flashing back to his head and again he clasps his chest and felt the lingering pain that he's trying to hide. before the tear fell from his eyes, he grab his towel and went to the shower. he tries to divert his attention by thinking something else but he can't. images of daniel and that other man is keep on appearing in his head. 'Okay i think this is enough, i need to think straight. i need to be in the office for the next 30 mins. or i'm going to miss our monthly meeting' he snaps back to reality and takes a deep breath. he finishes his shower, wear his usual office uniform, khaki pants, white button down a black blazer, pick up his bag and got out of his apartment.

he arrived in the office 10 mins. before 8 am. he still have time to have some coffee in the pantry. at exactly 8 am, his boss jisung calls him and his other teammates to get ready and go the meeting room. he grabs his laptop and went straight to the room. when they all gather inside, jisung calls their attention.

"alright team before we start our monthly meeting, i just want to announce that we have an additional to our team" 

and jihoon doesn't notice that there's a person sitting at the far end of the room 

"come here" jisung instructed the guy. "everyone pls. welcome our new member, park woojin". 

"hi good morning, i'm park woojin. pls. take care of me". 

"woojin here will be under jihoon's supervision. he will help jihoon in some of his daily tasks and will be doing some special reports for me" 

and jihoon suddenly remembers that he requested jisung a few months ago if he can have an assistant because his workload is increasing due to additional special projects. and he's quite happy that jisung grants his request. 

"okay woojin thank you and you may take your seat beside jihoon" jisung points the direction of jihoon and they bow to each other.

when woojin is seated, jihoon extend his hand for a handshake "hi i'm park jihoon, let's work together harmoniously" and woojin smiles and shakes his hand. 

the meeting ended before 12nn so jihoon decided to ask woojin to take their lunch together so he can also talk to the other. 

"come on woojin let's eat and it's my treat" jihoon extends his hand to grab woojins wrist. and woojin startles a little to the sudden contact.  
after getting their food in the cafeteria, they sit down at the table near the window.

"so, how old are you woojin"

"umm...i'm 25"

"oh really, we're the same age then. May is my birth month, and you?"

"i'm younger by 6 months"

oh ok so i'm the older one" jihoons chuckles a bit and woojins smiles seeing the older chuckles.

when woojin saw jihoon entering the meeting room, 'wow this guy is really pretty. his round doe eyes, it's a bit swollen but still beautiful, and even his lashes are long. pointed nose, rosy full cheeks. and his lips is so plump and red. is he wearing a lipstick or any lip color?' woojin can't take his eyes of this guy and that's when jisung called their attention. when jisung pointed him to jihoon's direction, his heart beats fast. he didn't have any idea that this pretty guy will be his superior. when he sat beside jihoon and offers a hand shake, woojin didn't realize that his hands is kind of shaking well maybe because it's his 1st day or because of the guy that was infront of him, he wasn't sure.

"well, i expect that we will have a good working relationship since we're the same age and i wouldn't mind if you will just call me jihoon" and he smiles to woojin

"ah...okay. thank you jihoon" woojin shyly smiles and finishes his lunch.

woojin is really funny and playful. they even earned a shhhh from their other co-workers because they're a little loud and sometimes forget that they're still inside the office. "i think this guy is not bad and i think i can work with him well" jihoon thinks.

jihoon is thankful that even for a while he forgot the pain of last night and that is because of a guy named woojin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is not that good, but thank you for taking some time to read my first fic. i'll try to update by next week. thank you again. and have a nice week ahead.


	3. happy with a bit of guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if it's ok for me to feel this way, but my heart instantly felt light. when i saw his snaggletooth behind those smiles i suddenly feel happy. i don't know if the alcohol starts to sink in my system but i feel my heart beats faster. i clenched my fist in my chest and tell to myself...please don't. and a gush of guilt strikes me slowly.

woojin as a co-worker is very easy to work with. he's multi-tasking, hardworking, patient (especially if i needed something urgent that needs to be done within 30 mins.) and fast learner. i just trained him in 1 day then the next day he can already work on his own. 

days have passed and the pain that i felt with daniel's cheating is slowly fading. i don't know, maybe because i'm pre-occupied with my deadlines or maybe because woojin makes me forget the pain. i still text daniel everyday. same routine of 'good morning, how's your day? are you ok? i love you and take care always'. his reply is always the same, 'i'm fine, tired and busy, i love you too and talk to you later'. we haven't seen each other since that night. everytime i asked him to meet, he's always busy or he'll just call me when he's done. i'm getting tired each day waiting for him. sometimes i wonder if this is still going to work, should i end this, should i confront him regarding sungwoon. but at the end of the day, i'm still a coward who loves him very much. 

one quiet afternoon, i went to the rooftop of our office building to clear my mind. i'm so exhausted of work, so exhausted of waiting for daniel. i'm beginning to doubt myself if i still love him. i just want to be at peace. there are times that i just want to scream, what did i do wrong? why is this happening to me? am i not lovable enough? am i not enough? and suddenly tears kept falling from my eyes, i cried and cried and just let it all out. and in the midst of my emotional breakdown, a hand gently grabs my shoulder and i instantly jerk from my seat. woojin. he didn't say anything, he just pats my back and slowly put my head in his shoulders and i can feel his hands tremble as he puts his hands around my shoulders. i just cried until there's no more tears falling. and woojin just sit beside me and when he saw that i'm not crying anymore, he hesitantly holds my hand, my head is still in his shoulders.

"are you okay? do you want to talk about it?" i can feel his sincere concern in his voice without looking into his eyes.

"yes i think i'm okay now. thank you for lending me your shoulders" and i lift my head and look into his eyes and smiles. 

"no problem jihoon. you can always use my shoulder if you need it. it will always be available for you" and squeezed my hand. i don't know why i feel my cheeks are getting hot, maybe from crying so much. 

"umm..woojin, i think we need to get back now. jisung will notice that we're both not in our table" and i slowly slipped my hands from his.

"oh..ok..are you sure you're ok now?"

"yes i think i can manage now, thank you again for staying with me" and i don't know what got into me and gives him a peck in his cheeks. i suddenly feel my face gets red and hot. and i also saw a pink hint in woojin's cheeks. i immediately get up from my seat and walk towards the exit when woojin grabs my wrist

"umm jihoon..would you like to have a drink with me later after office? but if you're busy and if you don't want to it's really ok. it's just that i suddenly crave for some alcohol and grilled meat."

i give him a smile and said "ok i would love to".

woojin beams with delight and he drag me out to the exit.

at exactly 6 pm, we get out of the office and went to the nearest food stall. we ordered a bottle of soju and a serving of beef. we drank the 1st bottle slowly while chatting a little of this and that. we talked about anything. from the silliest things to games to love life. when we almost finish our 2nd bottle, woojin asks me shyly if i have a boyfriend. and i just nod. 

"is he the reason why you are crying a while ago?" and i just looked at him and he instantly said "sorry, if my question is too personal. you don't have to answer if you're not comfortable" and he gulps down the rest of his drink.

"yes" and i also gulps down my own drink

"i know we're pretty close, but i don't know if you're comfortable enough with me to share your problems, but i just want you to know that i can be your friend, i can listen to all your problems, pain, heartaches, anything. if you just want to share silly things or any funny things you can always tell me. i would be happy to listen to you all day"  
and with his words, i strangely feel...happy? i don't know if it's ok for me to feel this way, but my heart instantly felt light. when i saw his snaggletooth behind those smiles i suddenly feel happy. i don't know if the alcohol starts to sink in my system but i feel my heart beats faster. i clenched my fist in my chest and tell to myself...please don't. and a gush of guilt strikes me slowly.

it's been 2 days since woojin and i had a drink. i had a lot of fun actually that's why my guilt is haunting me. my heart is beating too fast whenever woojin touches me, unintentionally, because i'm a bit tipsy when we decided to go home. i almost stumble on my own feet when i tried to stand. thankfully woojin has a fast reflex and he immediately grabs my waist almost back hugging me. i didn't realize that i'm holding my breath while he tries to keep me steady. i looked into his eyes, and i know it's a mistake because my heart is pounding really hard and i'm a bit worried that he may hear my rapid heartbeat. and as stupid as i am,no maybe it's the alcohols fault that my gaze shifts to his plump lips and i'm pretty sure that my flushed cheeks get a bit more darker than before. and i'm really really grateful to my conscience that he snapped me back to reality. i shake my head and tried to release from woojin's tight hug (yes from back hug to side hug)

"thank you. i think i really need to go now" and using my full will power, i tried to avoid his eyes.

"can you go home by yourself? i can drive you if you want"

"no it's okay. it's only a 30 min. bus ride to my house, i can manage, really" 

"ok. but pls. text me when you get home"

"ok i will. bye woojin. thanks for the drink by the way. see you on monday" i hurriedly wave my hand and walk to the bus stop and still trying to walk properly.

"take care jihoon. see you on monday" he waves at me with all smiles and snaggletooth

fortunately the bus arrives in less than 5 mins. and i carefully walk until i reached the last row of the bus. i sit down by the window with a big sigh. i don't know why my heart still beating too fast eventhough woojin is not with me anymore. i tried myself to calm down. inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale..repeat..finally my heart beats normal again. 

i arrived home a little less than 30mins. i removed my clothes, get my towel and went to shower. cold shower really do wonders everytime i'm a bit drunk. my head feels a little light than 15 mins. ago. i put on my pink sweater and boxers and crawl to my bed. i remember to text woojin

to woojin:

hi. got home a couple of mins. ago. and getting ready to bed. thanks again for tonight, i really appreciate it.

from woojin:

hi. thank god you got home safely. have a goodnight and thanks for being my drink buddy tonight. let's do it again, only if you want to.

to woojin:

sure, anytime. goodnight woojin

from woojin:

goodnight too jihoon. sweet dreams and sleep tight. tomorrow will be a better day. 

and again, didn't realize that i'm still smiling while reading his last texts a couple of times already. i slapped my face a little too hard to my liking. wincing and holding my cheeks, i received another text. 

from daniel:

hi baby, still awake? sorry i wasn't able to call you the whole day, office is busy as fuck. i'll make it up to you okay. goodnight. i love you so much baby.

suddenly my heart feels so heavy. the happiness that i felt a few minutes ago is replaced by pain and sadness. yeah right you're busy as fuck. busy with sungwoon i'm sure. he always say he'll make it up with me but it's been weeks since i last saw him. is it still worth it to fight for this? is it time to confront him regarding his affair? i'm tired of waiting. i don't know if i can still do this.

to daniel:

hi. yes i'm still awake. daniel, can we talk? i hope you can spare me a time tomorrow.

after 15 mins.

from daniel:

what's wrong baby? are you ok? is everything okay with work? i'm sorry baby but i have a whole day seminar tom. can you just tell me what's bothering you?

to daniel:

it's okay. just tell me when you're free. goodnight.

from daniel:

are you sure, you're okay? i'm really really sorry. don't worry i'll text you tom.if we can meet on sunday. i love you baby. goodnight.

to daniel:

goodnight

from daniel:

goodnight? goodnight only? where's my i love you baby? 

i didn't say i love you back? i don't know. this is so unusual. eventhough the pain is unbearable, i still managed to say i love you this past few days. but now, now i didn't. i can't type the words, but why? i'm sure i still love daniel. he's my first love. he's my everything. but why? why can't i say it? it's like something is holding my fingers preventing to type the 3 words.

from daniel:

baby? are you still there? why are you not saying it back? are you mad at me?

and then..still nothing..i can't lift my stupid fingers..but why? i know i love daniel, i really do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congrats boys for winning 6th award for boomerang. well done boys even if it's raining they performed well.  
> anyway, i know i'm lacking in many ways but thank you for reading my 1st fic.


	4. pain is an understatement, but will be slowly forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes, i still love daniel, i still love daniel. but why do i keep asking myself? is it because woojin makes me happy somehow? yes he makes me happy, especially when i miss daniel so much. i miss daniel's touch, i miss daniel's scent, i miss daniel's kiss, i miss everything about daniel. i really need to talk to him. i need to reassure myself that this relationship is still worth fighting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yey! i'm overwhelmed for all the nielwink moments yesterday, my nielwink heart is so happy and well fed. 
> 
> okay i think this will be my last chapter with a lot of angst. i'll try to make the last chapter fluff but i'm really not good at fluff, so goodluck to me.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter

to daniel:

i love you too daniel. goodnight. 

yes, i still love daniel, i still love daniel. but why do i keep asking myself? is it because woojin makes me happy somehow? yes he makes me happy, especially when i miss daniel so much. i miss daniel's touch, i miss daniel's scent, i miss daniel's kiss, i miss everything about daniel. i really need to talk to him. i need to reassure myself that this relationship is still worth fighting for. 

from daniel:

whew, i thought your mad at me baby. i love you so much jihoon. sweet dreams.

i threw my cellphone beside me and hugged the brown bear that daniel gave me during our anniversary. i love daniel, he's my first. and while saying these words repeatedly in my head, my phone vibrates.

from woojin:

umm..jihoon..are you still awake? sorry..nothing important..goodnight

from jihoon:

yes, what's up woojin?

from woojin:

are you free tomorrow? if not it's okay

from jihoon:

ummm..i don't have anything to do tomorrow. why?

from woojin:

would you like to watch a movie? i mean there's this action comedy movie that i wanted to watch. are you interested? if not, it's okay i can just ask daehwi, my friend.

from jihoon:

sure i would love too. it's been months since i went to a movie house. that would be great.

from woojin:

really? you're going with me? that's great. let's meet at the movie house by 2 pm. are you cool with that?

from jihoon:

yes, 2 pm is okay with me. see you woojin. and goodnight again.

from woojin:

goodnight too jihoon and see you tomorrow.

and yet again, i feel stupid for smiling staring at my phone. same guilt feeling is rushing to my body. we will just going to watch a movie that's all, nothing more. and i hugged the bear tightly to remind myself how much i love the person who gave this to me. and i slowly fell into dreamland.

i woke up around 9 pm. make myself a decent breakfast and after eating i decided to text daniel just to check up on him i guess.

from jihoon:

good morning daniel. are you already in the seminar? how's your morning? i miss you.

and as usual i'm waiting for his reply but to my dismay, none..nothing..

maybe he's just busy, of course he's in a seminar, he's probably busy.

i still have 1 hour before i get ready to see woojin, so i decided to play a few rounds of battleground.

after my last round of game, of course i won all rounds, i received a text.

from daniel:

hi baby. how are you? we're just going on a lunch break. i'll text you again later, okay. i miss you too.

from jihoon:

okay. i'll wait for your text later. take care and i love you

from daniel:

i love you too baby

i know that daniel is having an affair but i still smile whenever i read the words 'i love you baby'..okay last night is different, it doesn't count okay. but i know deep down inside my heart, i really love daniel.

it's already 1:30 pm when i check the time, and i suddenly remember that i need to leave now to be able to arrive at the cinemas at 2 pm. so i quickly went to the shower. it only took me 5 mins. to finish taking a bath and i just pull my black ripped jeans and a yellow hoodie. i ran out of the house, lock the door and calls for a cab.

it's already 2:15 pm when i arrived to the cinemas. and i immediately spot woojin standing beside the ticket booth. i walked to him and he smiled.

"hi. i'm sorry i'm late. got carried away playing"

"it's okay we still have plenty of time before the movie starts. did you take your lunch already?"

remembering that the last meal that i ate is breakfast, so definitely i'm starving.

"hmm..not yet"

"good, let's eat first okay. the movie will start at 3:30 pm. what do you like to eat?"

"mmm..chicken"

"chicken it is..come on"

woojin grabs my wrist and we look for a chicken restaurant. while looking for a place to eat, i saw a familiar figure. tall, wide shoulders, dangling earings and blonde hair.walking while holding hands with a not so tall man. nah..it can't be..he's in a seminar right now. as we slowly approach the 2 men, my heart is beating so fast, my hands are getting sweaty and my throat is getting a bit dry. no it's not him, no it's not him. pls. it can't be him. and then my heart stopped, jaw dropped, fist clenched. why do i have to see him with sungwoon?

i suddenly forgot that i'm walking with woojin. woojin suddenly halts and looks confused when he saw my shocked reaction.

"jihoon are you okay?"

and i slowly pat daniel's shoulder.

"daniel?"

and he slowly turned to look at me. 

eyes wide, lips trembling. he let go of the hand that he's holding tightly just a few seconds ago.

"j..j..ji..jihoon?"

i didn't say anything..i just run..run as fast as i can. i know woojin is calling me and running after me..i don't care if daniel is also following me or not. i just want to get out of here..i didn't realize that the tears is continuously falling from my eyes and my sight is a little blurry now. i run as i reached the exit and saw a bench behind a big tree. i sit there, crying, sobbing, wailing..i know he's having an affair but seeing them together is beyond painful, it's excruciating. i keep on pounding my chest to ease the pain, but not. the pain is just rising in. i almost can't breathe because of too much crying, but i can't stop..i saw a figure running towards me.

"jihoon?"

it's woojin.

 

"jihoon? are you okay?" woojin sat beside me and put his arms around my shoulder.

i couldn't say anything. i don't know, i just felt so small. i just cried and slowly lean on woojin's shoulder. he's not saying anything either, he just rubs my back and it calms me a bit somehow.

"i don't know what happened, but if you're not comfortable sharing it with me, that's fine. you can cry on my shoulders all night if you want."

slowly, i try to calm myself. when i'm calmed enough to speak. i look at woojin and said, "i saw daniel with someone else"

and woojin doesn't respond. but i feel that he tightened his shoulders around me.

"i already knew that he's having an affair, but seeing them together..."

and the tears starts to fall down my cheeks again. and woojin hold my hand. "have you talked to daniel regarding his affair?"

"i want to talk to him but he's always busy. i don't know what to do, it's just so painful"

"you need to talk to him jihoon and tell him how you feel"

"i'm scared woojin. i don't know what to say to him. i love him so much but i don't know if he still loves me"

"that's why you need to confront him. ask him if he still loves you. ask him if he's still willing to save your relationship. and it's up to you if you're going to fight for your relationship or let go. just remember that i'll be always here for you if you need someone to lean on"

"thank you woojin, i don't know what will i do if you're not here with me now. i really appreciate everything that you've done to me. i don't know how to repay you.

"just drink with me again some other time" and he smiles, showing off his snaggletooth.  
and i hear someone screaming..

"jihoon!! where are you?please baby"

and he spots us sitting behind the tree.

"jihoon? baby? please can we talk?"

and woojin released me slowly while looking at daniel. "i'll see you on monday in the office, okay?" and he walks away from me and daniel.

"jihoon, let me explain please"

"you don't have to explain daniel. everything that i saw a while ago explains everything. i already knew your cheating on me but i stayed quiet, hoping that you'll realize what you're doing is a mistake, but i'm wrong. you don't have any plans on leaving him while here you are still calling me baby" i stand up and walks away from him, but daniel grabs my wrist.

"please listen to me jihoon, sungwoon is just a fling. i don't love him. it's you that i love, you know that. i will never replace you, i love you so much jihoon, please i'm sorry baby, i'll end everything with him i promise"

and i see tears coming from daniel's pleading eyes. i want to hug him right now and say ok i believe you, but what if he's lying to me again. i really want to give him a chance, i really do.

"baby please, forgive me. i love you so much. i'm really sorry. i know i fucked up, but pls. give me another chance. i'll do everything to make it up to you. just don't leave me jihoon. i love you."

and he closes the gap between our bodies and hug me. and my arms are slowly moving towards his back. a few moments ago, i just want to slap him, punch him and scream at him, and ask him why did he do that, but i don't know why, i just hug him back. the warmth of his body is what i missed. i missed it so much that i started crying again and i can feel daniel's sobbing. i missed this. his scent, his touch, his warmth, god i miss him so much. i decided to pushed all my doubts, my anger, my questions, the pain aside, just this moment, to relive this feeling, the feeling of being loved.

we're both still crying and he holds my face, wipe the tears that still flowing down my cheeks and he slowly kissed me in the forehead. his breath, his soft lips, i missed it so much. 

"let me fix everything, jihoon. i promise i'll make it up to you. just give me a chance to prove that you're the only one i love. what you say baby, can you give me that chance?"

"okay" is the only word that i was able to utter at that moment.

and he kisses my lips gently. 

the pain is still there but slowly forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and yes, that's how jihoon loves daniel. he'll slowly forget the pain to give daniel another chance.
> 
> thank you all guys for reading, i really appreciate it


	5. paradise or moon and stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the feeling of longingness is digging into my skin, but the doubt inside my head is still lingering. i know i decided to give him a chance but i don't know if i can give him back my full trust yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so..this is the last chapter. pls. bear with me, i'm not good at fluff but i hope you can still enjoy.
> 
> and i love daniel so much for feeding us nielwink and 2park yesterday, i'm well fed already.

the drive to my apartment is awkwardly silent. i still can't look daniel in the eyes and same for him. when we reached my apartment. daniel automatically opened the car door for me and he led me to my apartment door .as i open my door, i'm thinking if i'll invite him over or say goodnight. but hell yeah, i decided to give him a chance so..

"umm...daniel would you like to go inside for some drinks or.." 

before i could finish my sentence, he drastically opened the door and pushed me inside while he slams his lips against mine. i was startled and still figuring out what was happening and i suddenly felt the heat that travels thru my whole body. after a few seconds, i finally register what is happening and i suddenly throw my hands around daniel's neck and kissing him back deeply.he pulled me by my waist and god i missed this feeling so much.i missed daniel so much. i missed his soft lips and his warmth. i tug his hair tightly and he pushed his tongue inside me. i gladly open my mouth and we both kissed passionately and roughly. 

"i'm sorry baby, i love you so much" he managed to say those words in between our kisses..

"i love you too so much daniel" and without realizing, tears are falling down my cheeks. i can already taste the saltiness of my tears between our lips and daniel suddenly let go and gently look into my eyes. the tears keep on falling and i started to sob.

"jihoon, pls. stop crying. i'm really sorry and i know i made a mistake. i promise i'll do everything for you to forgive me" 

he hugged me tightly and i hugged him back. i let out my tears fall staining his dress shirt. he pulled me to sit on the bed and he gently pats my head.

"ssshh..i'm here now, i'll never let you go and i will make it up to you. i promise"

the feeling of longingness is digging into my skin, but the doubt inside my head is still lingering. i know i decided to give him a chance but i don't know if i can give him back my full trust yet. 

i look into his eyes to check any uncertainties and my lips is slowly turning into a smile seeing the sincerity in his eyes. i love daniel so much and i'm willing wholeheartedly to give him another chance.

"okay daniel, let's start all over again"

and he smiles, the most beautiful smile that i missed to see this past few months.

 

i fell asleep in daniel's arms during the night and when i woke up, he's already gone. is it just a dream? but it felt so real. i can still taste his lips in mine so it can't be. the tears   
that i'm holding back suddenly breaks into my eyes. 

"no, no..it seems so real" and i just cried and cried in my pillow and suddenly i hear my bedroom door opens

"jihoon, what's wrong? why are you crying?"

i sit in my bed and tried to reach and touch his face. and..he's real...last night..everything is real..the kisses..the hugs..the cuddles..is all real

i throw myself at daniel and hugged him tightly. 

"i thought it's a dream" and i cried as i hugged him even tightly

i can feel his chuckles as he hugged me back tight. 

"no it's not a dream, it's real. i'm here. and i'm sorry baby, i'm really sorry. i will never hurt you again i promise. i love you so much jihoon and thank you for giving me another chance"

and he cups my cheeks and kissed me gently and sweetly.

"come on, wash up, i prepared some breakfast"

 

the day passes quickly. we cuddled most of the time. hugs and kisses everywhere. passionately and sometimes a bit rough, but i always stop when it seems it will go somewhere that i'm not yet ready for. i don't know, but i think i still need more time for me to open up myself again to daniel, in terms of you know, sexually.

he sleeps over again that night, and i think that is the most peaceful sleep that i had this past few months.

 

daniel went home at around 6 am so he can still have time to get ready for work.

monday is such a beautiful day. i received a text from daniel in the morning, saying a lot of i love you's and how he misses me so much, and i couldn't be more happier.

thank god the heaviness that i felt this past few months is already gone. i tried my best to push all the doubts at the back of my head. i forgot how to feel this happy and light.

when i arrived at the office, i immediately spotted woojin walking toward the pantry.

"woojin" i called him cheerfully

he turn around and he flashes me a smile showing his cute snaggletooth. 

"hey, jihoon" and he instantly walks towards me.

"you looked happy and...glowing?"

i chuckled hearing his comment.

"yes i am and i never felt this happy since..i don't remember anymore" i said to him merrily.

i walked towards my desk and put my bag in my chair.

"have you eaten breakfast?" i asked him

"umm..not yet, but i was going to grab some coffee a while ago before you called me"

i grabbed his wrist and pulled him

"come on, let's go to the cafeteria, my treat"

and he chuckled as i pulled him out of the office

 

"so...can i ask you something?" woojin said looking a bit shy before taking a bite of his chicken sandwich

"hmm..okay,shoot" i said while munching my burger.

"are you...o-okay now? umm..i mean..between you and your..boyfriend?" 

i smiled before answering him with my obvious happy tone "yes , i think. we actually settled things and i decided to give him another chance."

"oh..okay..i'm really glad that you made up. i'm really worried about you when i leave you with him last saturday"

"umm..woojin"

"hmm"

"thank you"

"for what"

"for everything. thank you for being with me during my lowest time of life. when i needed a shoulder to cry on. when i needed someone to rant about my hate to daniel, for everything. especially for all the times that you made me laugh, times that i was able to forget the pain in my heart, the loneliness that i felt. thank you for being such a great friend. i hope we can be friends forever, if you agree of course"

"umm..sorry jihoon, but i can't" he suddenly bowed his head and seem apologetic

"huh? why?" i felt my heart clenches and a bit hurt i think.

then he laughs hysterically, even the other people in the cafeteria glared at us

"hahaha..i'm just kidding" and he continues to laugh and i feel the anger builds up in me

"what the fuck woojin" and i punched him in his arms but he just continues to laugh "that's not funny, not even a bit"

"hahaha..i'm sorry i just can't help it, you're too serious and you should see the reaction of your face. do you really like me that much.. i mean do you really like to be my friend that much?"

"umm..actually no, i changed my mind" and i jokingly stand up from my chair and he instantly grabs my wrist

"hey, sorry it was just a joke. of course i would love to. i will be your friend forever, i promise" and he puts out his pinky finger and we made a pinky swear.

 

 

after 1 year

from daniel

"jihoon where are you? i'm already here in the restaurant"

from jihoon

"i'm coming. i'll be there in 5 mins"

 

fuck this traffic. i don't know why i feel uneasy tonight. i looked my reflection in the bus window and i look alright i think. i'm wearing a navy blue dress shirt and black tight pants.  
finally i arrived at the restaurant. i checked again my reflection in the restaurant door before walking inside. i immediately spotted daniel in the middle table of the restaurant. and he looks so dashing. he dyed his hair black and styled up, exposing his forehead, his dangling earrings, white dress shirt and a black tight pants. god he's so handsome and beautiful. he waves at me and i smiled walking towards him.

"hi baby" and he gives me a peck in the cheek

"hello sorry i'm late" and i take a sit across him.

"i already ordered our usual, is that ok"

"of course"

i don't know but there's something off with daniel. he seems so fidgety, nervous and anxious. i think he went to the restroom 2 times already before our food arrives.

"baby are you okay?" i asked him after our food settles in our table

"umm..yes i-i'm okay baby..umm let's eat"

"okay"

we finished our meal after an hour with chatting in between

" i ordered some dessert, your favorite blueberry cheesecake"

"oh really" i can't hide my glee as daniel knows i'm an addict to sweets

and the cake arrived after a few minutes

without hesitation, i dig in and take a big bite. 

"oww" i chewed something hard, as in stone hard. i felt like my teeth will fall anytime.

"why? are you okay" daniel said, smiling. he even dares to smile as he can see that i'm wincing and holding my left cheek.

i tried to get out from my mouth that fucking object or whatever it is that disturbed my eating. and when i managed to get it with my fingers, i saw a little round object and it's gold? what the fuc...and daniel hurriedly grabs the round gold object from my fingers and he stands up from his seat and kneels...he kneels with his one...wait...is this...my mind went blank and i feel like crying..i put my both hands in my mouth gasping..

"jihoon, i know i fucked up a year ago, and i know i'm not perfect. i can't promise you paradise, but i can give you the moon and stars. i love you so much baby and i want to spend my whole lifetime with you. i will try my best to make you happy and try my best not to make you cry. i hope you can already give me back the trust that i once destroyed and open yourself again to me..jihoon, my love, my one and only, will you marry me?"

and i didn't realize that i'm holding my breath that long and my tears are suddenly falling from my cheeks. i can see the other people screaming but i can't hardly hear what they're saying. i slowly removed my hands from my mouth and hugged daniel and gave him a peck in the lips before saying

"yes daniel, i will marry you" and he kissed me passionately and i can hear the loud cheer of other customers in the restaurant. 

i pulled from the kiss. cupping daniel's cheeks

"i love you so much daniel"

"i love you too so much jihoon"

and i hugged him again tightly, too scared to let him go. 

i'm already in paradise. you are my paradise, daniel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it. i'm glad i finished my first chaptered fic. i know i lack in many ways but i would like to say thank you for those who managed to read this until the end. i really appreciate it and i'm really happy. 
> 
> i love nielwink and 2park so much! 
> 
> thanks for all the kudos and hits
> 
> until next time


End file.
